April 25th, my Birthday. Another year older, hopefully a little wiser, and just sort of confused really. It's been an interesting year so far. First off I'm sorry to everyone that I've not been on here as much as I used to be. With my laptop now a doorstop until I can pay to have her fixed and every job I ask to pick up turning me down I've not been able to get onto the net often. So that's been a real downer because I don't want to drop out of contact with all of you guys and I feel a little crappy over the fact no job will give me the time of day. But hey, I finally got my permit and I've been practicing my driving skills! So that's a plus if nothing else! Eventually I will get the full on license and be on the road, and that ties into my attempts to get a car that I've been eying up for a few years now (but that kinda circles back into my money situation). But My family are planning to take me out tomorrow and celebrate so I'm looking forward to that too. I'm coordinating with some people to get Infinity Quest published and released sometime in the near future and that is a tremendous feeling after all the work I put into it So as far as all that's concerned Life has been pretty fair I suppose!
But then the not so easily silverlined thing happened about 10 days ago. I can deal with places telling me I'm not good enough to work for them, but recently I had to weather something that struck much harder and much closer to home. My one dog, the dog who licked over my face until I got up in the morning, the goofy, funny, snorting, tummy rub queen Abby my Shih tzu had a 5 out of 5 level Heart murmur and was slowly experiencing Heart Failure. On April the 15th we had managed to get an appointment for her for the next day to get treatment after the pills she was given ran out. The morning started with her collapsing and falling behind the couch. I heard her scream and woke up, without thinking I jumped out of bed, threw the couch from the wall (with my mom still on it, sorry mom), and helped get Abby out from behind the sofa where she proceeded to pee and defecate on herself. Once we took her outside and managed to get her to what seemed like a stable condition I played the song "The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow." on the computer while she sat near me. I was desperate to give myself the hope I needed that she could make it. But she was in bad shape and got worse rapidly through the day. I held her on my lap and stayed with her the whole day. Then she had a heart attack and her body bent out in wild and horrid shapes, that was my dog, my girl sputtering on the floor. The light faded from her eyes and my sister screamed for my attention as I had left to get the phone to call my dad home for support. Ever loyal to my Abby I dropped to her side and discovered she wasn't breathing and her heart no longer beat. I began compressions and didn't stop until she was alive again, and I prayed that she'd make it but I knew she wasn't going to last until tomorrow. But I refused to even entertain the idea. I'd stay up all night if I had to and bring her back again and again until we could help her. My dad came home and tried his best to support us but he knew as well as I did that she was barely holding on. Several hours past and Abby didn't want to leave my side. When I went to the bathroom she followed, she came out to the living room to be around everybody else, got pets and scratches from everyone, and eventually moved to the glass door which led to my backyard. I let her out and sat with her right by her side as she just looked out into the woods and enjoyed the breeze. When we came back inside I walked into the bathroom as she eventually walked into the doorway and sat down panting heavily as she had the entire day. I washed my hands and walked up to her, setting down and petting her and after some seconds of my affections she fell over. Brown watery liquid began to pour from her noes mixed with blood and I knew in an instant there was no helping her. I wanted to, and god did I try; I had restarted her heart with my own hands only moments early but now watched helplessly as she leaked more and more and more as any attempt to aid fell useless until my Abby girl laid on her side literally drowned before me. Even after she died though her body kept moving. Muscle spasms. And it killed me to watch, I don't think she wanted to leave me and I made sure not to leave her. When she finally fell still Dad and I wrapped her in a towel and I carried her out into the garage where we put her in a box and eventually buried her some time later near my bedroom window so I can always be near her. But it was horrible to experience and it's been on my conscience a lot since then.
But I was there for her and I take comfort in that fact. If for one brief moment I showed how much I loved her, I stayed by her side and I brought her back from the freaking dead long enough to let her say her goodbyes. But that cut me deep and I think I'm still healing from that. But that was a major dampener on the year and I think venting it some here might help with that. I don't want to bring anyone down or anything like that, I don't really know if talking about this is right or if I shouldn't even post that but I wanted to keep people posted on what's been happening in my life since there's been large periods where I've not been online. Hopefully I can get my laptop fixed though. I've also been considering college, but I think that I'm going to try one last big Hurrah and try to find a job before I get serious about that. If I can get employment that takes back burner until I can save up enough to visit my girlfriend and away from the hardships in her life. She needs me and I want to be there for her like I should be.
But yeah, I'm hoping I get somewhere further with Infinity Quest, I want to find a job, see my girl, visit my friends, buy the car I'm trying so hard to get and restore, and get my laptop back in working order. I've also been working out every night since December and have not missed a night yet. I feel like I'm getting myself into tip top shape and that always feels good. I've discovered that I can flick open the shell of an egg with ease and that's made cooking more fun despite me liking to cook already, and I'm hoping that tomorrow I get to go out a bit and have fun. So that's been my year so far I think! It's always nice talking to you all because I love you all and am happy to call you all friends!! Sorry for the sad parts of this, I've just had a lot on my mind and hopefully I can draw a bit of strength from you guys' advice. And I hope that all of you are having an awesome year so far. Hopefully 2015 will be a big year for me as well ^^ Here's to hoping!